Bro Ons, will u KNNCCB that somebody if u get smoked?Pls let me know if u will coz I don wan to make such careless mistake

Bro Econ, is that an encyclopedia?

where to buy this book ah? later go MPH

Lolololo... ahahahaha...

where got.. i`m still straight.. ekekekeke....

maybe arshad tergoda kot looking that pix~

How do YOU pronounce Oklahoma ?
Do you think it's correct?

There is a right way and a wrong way
to pronounce Oklahoma .

If you say OK...LAHOMA
You're WRONG.

The proper way is:
OKLA .....HOMA. There's a gap between the 'A' and the 'H'.

I can prove it....
Click to view attachment

tant : gap between 2 huge mountains

Only in China...
Click to view attachment

Some pic take at kemboja back then...
the pigggggy still alive and smile.. LoLz (=.='')

A little boy goes to his dad and asks,
'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the
family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies,
'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the
Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep sh*t.'

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a $ 100 if you let me
have sex with you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "

She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $ 200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.

She responded, "The b*****d used coins!"

Management lesson:
Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

Call Girl

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when your calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her butt.

You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the h*ll, I'll give her a call.

"Hello?" the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring all your implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We will go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."

Nice one la Jaz. After work, with my patience tested to the limit with my slow-a**, siput b*b*-crawling Pentium M, dinasour-age, company-given lap top some more, this one really a good one. Really enjoyed a big laugh.

Errr..., BTW, are you speaking from experience??

it just a joke la syah...

Free Sex



There was this gas station in "Redneck Country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."

Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't giveaway free sex". The buddy replied "No, it's not rigged-my wife won twice last week".

Watch this... Blueberry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzOvwPzfuaw

Kelakar yang amat!!!!!

tak terbaca & tak tergelak punyer nih...

http://lotsofjokes.com/dirty_jokes.asp

Memo to all employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained
through our program of
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(S.H.I.T) .

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you
feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please
see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the
S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get
all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in
DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T) ..

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to
EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T) .

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't
have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you
are full of S.H.I.T you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can
add your name to our
BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T) ..

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and
consulting, we will refer you to the department of
MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T) .
This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T

If you have further questions, please direct them to our
HEAD OF
TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T) ..

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

P.S. Now send this S.H.I.T to 5 people who need S.H.I.T in their life,
just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T . They have already had
their fill of S.H.I.T .

Thank you for your time.
!
Sincerely,
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training .
(The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T)

Before and After the wedding. Off course this doesn't apply to every married couple :-)

* Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating

* Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month

* Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

* Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football

* Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start

Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

* Before - It's like I'm living in a dream
After - It's like he lives in a dorm

* Before - $60/dozen
After - $1.50/stem

* Before - Turbocharged
After - Jump-start

* Before - We agree on everything
After - We can't agree on anything

* Before - Victoria's Secret
After - Fruit-of-the-Loom

* Before - Idol
After - Idle

* Before - He's completely lost without me
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

* Before - Time stood still
After - Where did the time go?

* Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant

* Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

* Before - Passion
After - Ration

A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne...

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman..

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different c**k,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

Dont know if this is up in here...

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is atwork.
Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers andhides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.
Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy isin there already.

The little Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$1,000."

A few weeks later it happened again, and the boy and the lover were in thecupboard together again.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The Boy says :"$5,000."
The Man says: "Fine, I will buy them."

A few days later, the Father says to the boy:"Grab your ball and boots, let's go outside and have a game."
The Boy says: "I can't, I sold them for $ 6,000."
The Father says:"That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... $ 6,000 is waymore than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and makeyou confess your "SINS."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in theconfession booth and he closes the door.
The Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Priest says: "Don't start that again!"

THIS IS MY CHURCH, NOT YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE !Dont know if this is up in here...

Y? How come?

when the wife got pregnant, all her female friends will rub her tummy and say congrats...

but none will rub the hubby's c**k n say well done, good job?

Y?

Alxand, do U want & interested that all ur male friend rub your c**k? Hehe..

LOL

When u have difficulty getting ur wife pregnant
all her female friends will be telling her "kesian, we understand how u feel"
then they will look at you especially ur c**k and ask "u sure u ok or not?"

haha... no need for ppl to rub mine :P

this was send to me by my sis...















British Hospitals - True Stories




1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'.

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St.. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow


2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient..

Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath


3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.

'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St.. Clair , Norfolk General


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent


6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .....' So how was your breakfast this morning?'

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.


7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation..
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read .. . ...'Keep off the grass'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London
Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Adult Themes Jokes


(1) To make it straight, she pulls it..
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To put it in, she pushes it.
It's h*ll of a job threading a needle!!!

(2) A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back.
The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said, I'll pay you in monthly installment.'

(3) Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to her boyfriend.
'The man next to me is masturbating!'
Bf: 'Ignore him.'
Gf: 'I can't.'
Bf: 'Why not?'
Gf: 'He is using my hand!'

(4) The Bio teacher draws a huge p*nis on the board and asks 'Does anybody know what this is?
Dirty Harry says 'Oh, it's a p*nis and you know my dad's got 2 of them?'
The teacher says '2 of them?'
Harry says 'ya! the little one he uses to pee, and the big one to brush mum's teeth.'

(5) 4 miracles of a woman
Getting wet without taking a shower
Bleeding without getting hurt
Giving milk without eating grass
Making boneless meat hard.

(6) What is the smallest hotel in the world?
The answer is 'v*g*na Inn'
It accomodates only 1 standing occupant with his 2 baggages left outside.

(7) Unborn twins saw a p*nis approaching.
1st: Papa coming, papa coming.
2nd: U fool, it's uncle lah. Papa never comes with raincoat!

(8) A hubby said to his wife, 'I will take a photo of your breast and frame it..'
The wife said to husband, 'I will take a photo of your p*nis and enlarge it.'

(9) At 15, a girl is a SURPRISE.
At 25, she is the RIGHT PRICE.
At 35, a GRAND PRIZE.
At 45, a CONSOLATION PRIZE.
At 55, she is a DOOR PRIZE, and
at 65, a GIVEAWAY PRIZE.

(10) What did Snow White complain about after having sex with the 7 dwarfs?
Snow White said, 'I would rather have 7 inches at 1 time.
Not 1 inch 7 times.'

(11) The v*g*na is the world's best rehabilatation/correction center.
Even the most violent and aggresive p*nis comes out humbled,
head bowed and reduced in size.

(12) A loving husband had 'I Love You' tattoed on his d*ck.
When he got home, he showed it to his wife.
She said, 'There u go again, trying to put words in my mouth.'

(13) Lady was trying on a dress.
Husband: 'Your bum is as big as a BBQ pit!'
Later in bed, husband said, 'Want to do it?'
Wife: 'It's a waste lighting up a BBQ pit for a small sausage.'

Laughing is good for your health...have a nice day

HUSBANDS FOR SALE !



A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.



You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!



There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!



So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.



On the first floor the sign on the door reads:



Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.



The second floor sign reads:



Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.



The third floor sign reads:



Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.



'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:



Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.



'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:



Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.



She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:



Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

MEH KITA BUNUH SETAN..Seorang lelaki berusia lima puluhan baru sahaja kematian isteri akibat penyakit kronik.Jiran sekampung menawarkan beberapa perempuan untuk dijadikan isteri dan teman hidup barunya. Alasan mereka beliau perlu berkahwin semula memandangkan anak-anaknya sudah besar malah tinggal jauh di bandar dan tiada orang yang akan menjaga makan, minum, sakit, pening si duda itu. Setelah meminta tempoh dan berfikir sedalam-dalamnya dia pun bersetuju untuk berkahwin.Selepas memilih dari beberapa orang calon isteri yang ditawarkan oleh orang kampong maka dia pun berkahwin dengan seorang perempuan yang agak muda berusia dalam lingkungan dua puluh lima tahun. Selepas majlis pernikahan mereka pun hidup bersama seperti pengantin baru yang lain.... Isteri barunya sering ke surau pada setiap petang Khamis mengikuti kuliah agama yang sering diadakan secara mingguan dengan pesyarah jemputan yang diundang khas mengajar agama di kampong tersebut. Suatu petang selepas pulang dari kuliah agama di surau dia menceritakan apa yang didengarnya dalam kuliah tersebut."Abang, abang nak tau tak, ustaz kata bila suami dan isteri itu bersatu/bersetubuh kannn... abang kann... dengan cara yang betul dan menjaga syarat yang betul maka pasangan tersebut akan mendapat pahala sama seperti membunuh 10 ekor syaitan".Kata si suami "ye kerr... tak apa malam ni malam Jumaat, masa yang sesuai untuk bunuh syaitan kann, betul tak sayanggg..." sambil ketawa.Si isteri hanya tersenyum panjang.Selang dua hari kemudian, si isteri berkata, "Banggg, jom kita bunuh syaitan bang...". Si suami tersenyum panjang.Selang dua hari kemudian, si isteri berkata lagi, "Banggg, jom kita bunuh syaitan bang..."."Tak pe... tunggula malam nanti". Esoknya si isteri berkata lagi, "Banggg, jom kita bunuh syaitan banggg...". Si suami diam sambil mengangguk lemah.Esoknya si isteri berkata lagi, "Banggg, jom kita bunuh syaitan banggg... ".Si suami tiba-tiba marah dan berteriak ... "Ayang nie nak bunuh syaitan ke nak bunuh abang...!!!"**** MORAL OF THE STORY: JANGAN CARI ISTERI MUDA KALAU DAH TAK MAMPU!!! .....hahahahhahahahu

My regular readers will know about my great love for government officials. In fact my favorites are US immigration officers and staff of the Transport Security Administration (TSA). My friend Laura Stein, a very intelligent and perceptive lady who also happens to read my reports, sent me the story below, which explains far better than I could do how efficiently the government functions.

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to themanufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete d*ck."

so in conclusio..the IRS officer is the d*ck...ha..ha..nice one Econs..

hahah..yeah..i found it quite funny

Lol-! Pawn-!!!

Hahahaha!

OMG-!!!

Kecewa tak dilayan...

Wah... fav betul gmbar ni...

Hai ..Just want to share....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=playe...p;v=4c5U_lNQQNA

Interesting Observation:

1.The sport of choice for urban poor is BASKETBALL

2.The sport of choice for maintainence levey employee is BOWLING

3.The sport of choice for front line workers is FOOTBALL

4.The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL

5.The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS

6.And the sport of choice for corporate executive is GOLF

The Amazing Conclusion:

*The higher you go in the corporate structure,the smaller your BALLS become...

The Day the p*nis asked for a Raise





I, the

p*nis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:



I do physical labor.



I work at great depths.



I plunge headfirst into everything I do.



I do not get weekends or public holidays off.



I work in a damp environment.



I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.



I work in high temperatures.



My work exposes me to contagious diseases.



Sincerely,







P. Niss







The Response





Dear p*nis:



After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have

raised, the administration rejects your request for the following

reasons:



You do not work 8 hours straight.



You fall asleep after brief work periods.



You do not always follow the orders of the management team.You do

not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other

locations.



You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in

order to start working.



You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.



You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing

the



Correct protective clothing.



You will retire well before you are 65.



You are unable to work double shifts.



You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed

the assigned task..



And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and

exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.



Sincerely,



V. Gina

i dunno if this is being posted before... but here goes..

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were all in the same hospital room, waiting to give birth,

when the redhead said, "i just know i'm going to have a baby girl, because i was on top when i conceived."

"and i know i'm going to have a boy, because my husband was on top when i got pregnant" the brunette said.

The blonde looked horrified and started sobbing.

"what's wrong?" the brunette asked her.

"i think i'm going to have puppies!" the blond cried.